2 nights. I have two nights left in my comfort zone.
Around 6 people have already asked me why I am leaving, why I’m risking everything when I’m literally having the time of my life here the past months.
Honestly, I asked the same question to myself. I actually blamed my mom at some point. But I suddenly realized that this was my decision in the first place – it was me who volunteered the idea of entering first year of college in dlsu first before leaving. Back then, a year ago, I never knew it would be a million times harder to leave.
If I left before college, I’d be leaving fewer people and fewer memories. But still, I definitely have NO regrets. I can never say thank you enough to dlsu for giving me the best, and i mean the BEST memories I could ever have. It was such a wonderful, amazing year with the best people. And as I said earlier, I definitely had the time of my life- i was at the peak of happiness, it was pure bliss.
Reality should take place now, though. The real reason why I decided to push through with my plan is because I want this to be my stepping stone in pursuing my higher dreams. I have many of it. As much as I don’t want to accept it, going and studying abroad can give me a higher chance of pursuing those. Besides, I also thought about the chance and the support my family has been giving me. Many people dream of studying elsewhere, and here I am, being pushed by everyone to go and get the best possible education for myself. I can never thank them enough, too.
Meanwhile, I am feeling scared, sad, excited and anxious all at the same time.
Almost everyone know that I am someone who loves adventures. And for me, a real adventure is the risk we take. Adventures are best done by ourselves in an unfamiliar place. I am ready for the biggest change and the biggest adventure yet that I am about to experience. Even if “starting over” isn’t really applicable to me right now since I am happy with everything, I think it would be nice for me to be in a new environment with new people. I have to step out of my comfort zone, I have to go out there in the real world. I have to leave, and come back even better.
My worries and fears about leaving people lessened somehow. i figured that although presence is extremely important in all relationships, the people who love and care for you the most can understand that when the going gets tough, you can be a call and a mesage away – the hugs, kisses and the comfort food that comes with it can wait months after.
“One of the interesting side effects of moving across the world for an as-yet-undetermined length of time is seeing friendships molt, wither, and then–usually–fade into oblivion. Most friends and lovers (I hate that term, by the way, but it’s more palatable than “person you are occasionally boning”) become nothing more than a few conversations over the span of a year that consist mostly of “Man, it’s been forever. Wow.””
When I get back, I will be a step closer to having I have ever dreamed of- and also, by then, I would have figured out who the worthy people were all along.
Hoping, wishing and praying. The best days are yet to come 🙂