Stuck in reverse

It’s almost 3 am on a summer night. Your face pops into my mind out of nowhere. Suddenly, I remember almost all details about you- the way you sleep, the way your face lights up when I laugh at your jokes, the way your face can be so transparent about your feels and expressive about everything every single time.

And then it hit me.

Sooner or later, things will change. Not because of us, though. But because of distance. I’m scared to let that thing happen, but I don’t think I can ever run away from it. It has been my dream for so long, and I guess it’s also a way for me to grow and become the woman I always dreamed of, you’ve always dreamed of.

Believe me, I can literally feel my heart breaking into pieces. How can everything be so fine and perfect? Why did this happen just now?

I am just on the entrance of the long road I’ll be travelling on. It will be a looong, long journey. I’m not so sure if you’re coming along with me, though. I don’t know if you’ll still be willing to carry my luggage, like you always do. I don’t know if we will still share our triumphs, victories, downfalls and so on. But that’s okay, I would understand.
We’re young and carefree, and things beyond our control just happen. You should enjoy your journey, with or without me. And I must do the same too, if ever you would want to take the other road, far from mine.

One thing’s for sure though. The moment I reach the end of the road, I’d still remember you. You, who gave and is giving me so much to remember. You , who changed me and made me the strong person I am today- strong enough to make the decision to leave and grow and come back even better.
You will always, always be a part of me. And I dont think anyone, anything, not even distance, can change that.

Sleeping these thoughts off, I still have time to make this the best and the most memorable summer for you- and for us.

Good night.

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