Thoughts of an insomniac

2.20 AM. Can’t sleep. I’ve been thinking about the things that will possibly happen for the next months. For tonight, particularly about friends.

I’ve had many friends in my entire stay in ssc. I’ve had a number of “best friends”, too. But sadly, only a handful made a big impact on me. I only have 4 friends who I know are willing to still be with me through all of these.

I’ve had girly friends, the ones who I can talk about clothes, food, shoes, love, guys and everything to, but at the end of the day, we don’t really have that “connection”, you know?

I’ve close friends, up to now, actually. I open up, they comment/ give advice, I become conscious and overanalyze about their reaction, and boom! That’s how I know that they aren’t for keeps. Maybe they are, but what we’ll have are lunch and dinner dates, not midnight dates, those im-crying-myself-to-sleep-rescue-me moments won’t apply to them, sadly.

Don’t get me wrong, I love ALL of my friends. But only few bring out the best and the natural me. Myself. The real me. Only a few people can make me act like myself. Weird, serious, opinionated, indecisive – only 3-4 friends can appreciate and NOT judge those quirks.

I have this friend, who I really love, but i have to admit, not being with her in college can be good for me. For once, I dont have to be too conscious, I do not have to think of her opinions or whatsoever. For once, I can finally start anew. I can finally enhance my potentials, which were unnoticed and shadowed on when I was with.. Her. Or them.

I love them, and I would still do anything for them, but this time, I have to love myself more. I want to meet new people who can bring out the best in me, who can show me that I can have talents, as well.

But on the other hand, I also have this friend, who’s closest to my heart, and I’ve been thinking that.. College or grad school or real life itself, I would always want her beside me. Yup, I feel the same way for my 3 other friends. But w her, it’s different. I can tell ANYTHING to this girl. We dislike the same people, we often find ourselves in same situations, in crossroads. Being with her is like going back to the old, carefree me. Being with her is like swimming in the pool on a hot summer day. Cheesy, I know. HAHA OHMYGOD. But believe me, it’s true. I would always cry cause of happiness every time she achieves something. When we don’t talk, I would feel it whenever she’s troubled or sad. I dont think she knows that I really treat her as my sister, my real sister. But whatever happens, she’s one of the very few people I wanna keep.

The 2 other friends are from my barkada, and the other’s just. Well. My friend, a really good and special friend to me. They’re special, but in diff ways.

Of the thousands of people I have met, seen, shook hands with, only few are real. They won’t need your material possessions nor your connections. They won’t need just your shoulder to lean on. They will need you, and they will always be happy to be with you.

“Friends”, I’m glad I met you. See you soon. I hope you find that handful of people you would want to ride life’s iourney with ☺

2.45 AM. Good night! MNL in 1 1/2 week. Psyched!

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