2 hours from now, it will be March. It has been 9 months since I first wore that J badge.. Time flies so fast, they say. So many things happened this school year. This was a year of adventure, pain, so much happiness, love and most importantly.. reclaiming people I’ve lost before☺
Everything’s said and done
I don’t know what specifically made this year really enjoyable, maybe it’s because of the tears I shed, lessons I learned, smiles I showed or simply.. the days that passed.
I still remember our first day in June.. I sat on the front seat, aisle part. I felt awkward knowing I will be with people I am not actually comfortable with for the rest of the year. Then when the seating arrangement was fixed, I sat beside this girl I used to be in conflict with, Izzy. Something about her made me share all those secrets I kept to myself. In July, our class started to become bolder, more fun. We had our barkada reunion, which I will never forget. 3 years ago, we were those young girls sitting near that Tunnel of Truth. Now, we’re so much different, we live in different places..Everything is different. But when we were reunited, I never felt that we were apart for so long. It still feels the same. I remember how everything happened that day, breakups, confrontations.. Everything. Maybe those happened cause we needed to be there for each other. August was like a hell of a month for me. I experienced all the possible kinds of fucking heartbreak, from someone choosing something else over me to someone pushing and walking away from me.. These were the times when I forgot to remember how I should take care of myself. That was until September.. Nothing was better til then. Everything was slowly falling apart. I was falling apart. I started to stop fixing myself, cause I felt like no one noticed actually. When October came, things began to patch up.. People slowly made up for their wrongdoings, they started talking to me again.. It wasn;t the best, but atleast it was better. After sembreak, that was when I was refreshed. I started and promised to love myself more. Even if things were getting better and better, there was something inside me that was still empty. Shakes came, it made me busy, as well as start over. That experience made me realize that I can’t actually always get rewards easily, I need to work on them. I need to make sure I’m worthy of that good thing. When the Christmas month came, I don’t know why, but everything around me was happy and giddy and all that.. The School Fair which lasted for 3 days made a mark on me. The Shakes presentations was superb, unforgettable and fulfilling. Those were the times when I told myself how happy I am with my life.. Those were the times when I thought I was happy and everything was right. Peace Camp came, a specific event that day made me think that everything was possible, that after all, it isn’t that easy to f0rget someone.. someone you’re used to be with in your life.. That month , that year-ender made me forget the awful things that happened before.. 2011 came. Our reco was one in a million, epic.. everything you could imagine. It is the reco that I will never, ever forget. When I came back, everything wasn’t perfect, but somehow it was good.. I was still happy. It was actually a good month. With the stress of perio, the aftermath of prom and imagining a happy ending.. that month made me cherish good times, for it doesn’t happen everyday☺ January made a good mark on opening my year.. Then came February. This month was a tough month, it was like aroller coaster ride.. One minute I was happy then the next thing I knew, I was losing everything. What happened to me this month didn’t made me less of a person. In fact, it made me stronger and better. Maybe that’s when you’llknow who will still be there for you, no matter what or who you are. This month I realized that there’s no use holding on to people who wouldn’t even hold you back.. I realized that it’s hard choosing between something you want and something you’re used to. Everything wasn’t a joke. It hurt me everyday, knowing that what I was doing was wrong. I wanted to fix it, I wanted to make it better, but it was too late. It hurt me everyday knowing that they’ll be hurt, it’s just so freaking hard to be in between something you truuly want and something you just want to be there. As the month ends, I am actually better. I’ve moved on, and even if people still continue to judge, bad-mouth and all those shit.. I choose to stay silent. I can’t and I don’t get mad. I won’t get even either. Cause I know it was my fault. I’m actually aware of it. But maybe if they hear me side, which no one tried to even ask, they’d think of me as less evil, haha. But nvm, that’s life. But you know what? Even if those people may seem like they want to kill me or what, I’d still choose to leave a space for them inside me. Cause if ever they decide to come back, I’ll be so much better. Maybe that’s what I learned and got from losing something truly important to me. Tomorrow will be the start of a new month. Maybe this month, I will cherish everything, forgive and forget, and love all over again. It isn’t too late, is it? 🙂 I guess not. I’m too young to drown myself into those things. But one thing I have to thank for this year is my bestfriend. It’s her birthday today, yay! She’s been with me all year long, and even though we’ve been apart for 2 years.. This is more than enough.. to be with her.All those hurt, pain or whatsoever- they’re gone with the wind. As for the remaining months of the year, I plan to make the most out of it. I’ll be blogging my reeal SY-ender on the 17th ☺ See you,friends. Peace and love♥